It's Not You, It's ME

I recently competed in an NPC Bodybuilding competition, placing third in my class. It was my first figure competition and the hardest transformation I've EVER gone through (understatement of the year).  I'm incredibly proud of my accomplishment, but because I take this so seriously, and I dream of so much for myself in this sport, I did not let myself go into full-celebration mode. It was like I placed, but in my head I'm straight into the next competition. I can do better! I WILL do better. I want to do better. I want more. This is my third year competing and now that I feel I found my "division" I can't stop, won't stop, until I get THERE!

Even though I just worked for months on this, I can't slow down! I haven't reached my goal. Everything else must fall by the waste side (except for work because I'm not a complete idiot and time with my clients keeps me sane).

When I say "everything else" I mean EVERYTHING:  Entertainment, hygiene, chores like laundry and washing dishes, and mostly: relationships. This is the worst part about competing. Maybe some competitors are better at balancing then me. Maybe I'm a bad communicator? Maybe they don't understand because I don't explain it well enough? Maybe it's a million things. Maybe it's just me? I mean, It's quite possible that I suck at life, but truth be told I get so incredibly busy and EXHAUSTED balancing my work and my workouts that I'm forced to choose myself and my goal over almost everything 100% of the time.

My family and friends do not understand this.  They say they do and then they are asking me to hang out or making me feel guilty for not committing to spend time with them...
"I'd love to but I can't, I have to workout."
    "I can't, I have to eat at 2:30."
" I cant, I have to create four new workout plans."
" I can't I'm freaking tired and I choose to lie here and watch TV for two hours and shut off my brain instead of doing ANYTHING else." Oops.

People who matter like my Mother and best friend, as much as they love me and are trying to be supportive, just can't process my priorities and I've learned that I cant expect them to BECAUSE I CHOOSE THIS. This is not a punishment. Nobody forced this desire upon me! This is MY PASSION  burning in the deepest parts of me, forcing me to keep going, keep fighting!
THIS IS MY DREAM.
THIS IS MY GOAL. I choose to place it above all else.
Even my boyfriend, who I live with, who sees me bleeding for my goal, gets pissed off because even though he sees me all the time he never gets time with me.

DO I want my loved ones to understand? YES!
Do I want them to feel un-loved or left-out or ignored? HELL-TO-THE-NO! 
Do I want more time with them? Yes!
... but not more then I want this for me. 

I'm writing this entry because I want people to hear me when I say: All that matters is WHAT you want. You get one life. DO whatever it is you have to do to be happy (short of hurting others on purpose but that goes without saying). I see so many mothers choosing everyone else over themselves. Where does that leave you at the end of this? I see so many men and women running their own companies and when they finally make the time to invest in themselves, really give themselves permission to go for personal happiness, it's like a literal wight is lifted from them.
NOBODY WILL GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GET YOURS. Even the people who love us most can't see past their needs to to let you BE YOU, in all your "selfish"glory. They might not get "it" but they don't have to! Release the need to be accepted in this way (by others), it does not lead to happiness. 

If you have something that you have been putting off, this is me telling you right now: STOP. Do IT NOW. MAKE THE TIME NOW. YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

All my Love,
Go get YOURS!
xoxo T