I am Tom Cruise in 'Mission Impossible' and my body is that chick he thought was on his side but then tries to kill him.
When I came off my last competition in November I was determined to only gain the appropriate amount of weight: 10-15 lbs, the fat I needed to maintain my monthly cycle and not feel like a crazy person. I knew I wasn't going to have 6-pack for a while but 'saddlebags': No f-ing way!
Two days after my competition I was back in the gym, running and lifting and instead of binging 24/7 I ate one larger meal a day but stuck with healthy choices. When I got home, already feeling restless, I set a new goal of running my first half-marathon and began an intense lifting schedule with some new workout partners, determined to put some muscle on while I was "off". Around Christmas my life was bombarded with cookies and cakes and I did indulge but I actually felt more balanced then I had in the last 3 years. I was getting that "oh you've gained weight" look from people but I kept hearing myself say "Yea, I feel like I am more balanced now then ever before!" Because truthfully my MIND was in the game! But something wasn't sitting right despite all of my "balanced" actions.
So of course I did what any girl does when her life feels off and died my hair bright red (Didn't really help matters, lasted about 2 weeks). My scalp was dry and flaky as was the rest of my skin. I felt lethargic but no more so then I had been when competing. No matter how much I dialed in my macros, how many miles I ran, or many times I hit the weights it was almost as if someone was blowing air into my lower stomach, ass and upper thighs. I was hard as a rock but with this puffy layer all over my body! And sex drive... what's that?
Something was wrong with me (YOU DON'T SAY?). I had sort of felt this at the beginning of the year before my first competition and in the middle of the year when I took a 6 week brake but I had chocked it up to "not working hard enough" and spent 11 months killing myself to get into shape before every competition. I always refused to believe, even when I STRONGLY suspected, that anything was wrong with me internally. I was an athlete! I was more fit then anyone I know! Me? Naaaaaah WORK HARDER HALLER!
I went to get my blood drawn and waited with baited breath for 5 days to get the results...
I knew it was my Thyroid because I deal with this on a daily basis with clients (and My Mother has thyroid issues as well and I know that there is genetic linkage) and while I wanted to be diagnosed with something so I could have ANSWERS, the idea of being on medication for the rest of my life does not sit well with me. I also knew that metabolic damage was very common amongst competitors and for the amount of competing I did over the last 3 years I should expect some recourse. Sad face.
In short, according to the results: My thyroid function is as low as you can get WITHOUT being considered hypo. I'm just extremely low functioning. As someone who was high-functioning before, this sucks balls, but also answers a lot of questions (stay positive Haller).
Also my body is showing something that they only see in elderly people. Basically I'm not shedding a certain nutrient/cell and my body is using my muscles for fuel (YES, I'm sure all this running is really helping THAT problem. Sigh).
WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME, YOU ASK?
So I'm not going to necessarily be at my ideal body weight or composition for a while.
Whatever! My main focus is on my health! I can still run circles and out lift you! JUST TRY ME!
AND because I'm technically on the low end of "normal" I can't get medicated to fix this problem immediately. This journey might be a long one. WHATEVER! THIS IS MY JOB. I'LL FIGURE THIS OUT AND BE BETTER BECAUSE OF IT!
The Endocrinologist confirmed that, in general, it takes at least 90 days for your body to regulate and return to normal (whatever that is for you). On February 23 it will have been 90 days since I competed. So until then I've put myself on a full Thyroid holistic supplement program (that I've designed myself), cut my workouts down so that my body won't calibrate to the higher expenditure and can use this time to actually recover as much as possible, and am working on loving myself no matter what my size is (as long as I'm fit and inspiring others to get fit, it's ok if I'm not a Size 2 for a few months of my life. Get over it Haller.)
I'm confident that if I stay the course, when I get new labs done in 30 days I will see definite improvements and be back on my way to the high end of "Normal".
As somebody who both competes and trains competitors I think the main message I want to get across here is LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND IF SOMETHING SEEMS OFF, INVESTIGATE!
And Secondly, while metabolic damage is extremely common post competition it doesn't have to be this way especially if you do your diligence and have a post-comp plan. Don't just sign up with your coach or trainer up to the date of your competition. Sign up for a few weeks after so you can control your body and mind after (because your mind alone will give you permission to do some crazy $h!7 post contest!).
When it comes to my clients who want to compete I treat their bodies better then I treat my own by far. It's sad but true. I put my kid-gloves on and make sure they are getting as much food as humanly possible, getting their cheat meals and re-feeds in, and doing as little cardio as possible to healthfully reach their goal. When I'm in contest prep I will cry every day sometimes because of how challenging it is or how tired I am or how hungry I am, my only escape being when I am training my clients and I get to focus on their goals instead of my own. I feel why my prep is so hard is in part, because like most successful competitors who are NOT naturally lean muscular people, I have to beat myself up to hit my goal.
We are our own worst enemy.
I am very conscious of EXACTLY what my competitor is up to because it's my worst fear that I will cause anyones body unneeded duress. But this is what competing is: welcoming stress into your life and into your body for 12 - 16 weeks!
However, I strongly believe that if you reverse diet slowly enough, with the guidance of a good coach, you will never have to deal with these things. I've seen this work successfully many times but YOU HAVE TO STAY THE COURSE AND TRUST THE PROCESS MUCH LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE PRE-CONTEST.
Unfortunately, it is also my experience that the people who are most drawn to competing are people like me. We are naturally VERY curvy girls who have to work exceptionally hard to get their body to "stage standards". Because of this it's sooo important that the person you chose to work with has every intention to not just take you to the stage but to help you COME BACK DOWN after the bright lights and spray tan fades away.
My mistake was doing too much too fast and pushing my body past the point of healthy (3 years of competing with very few brakes will do this to you. I fell in love with competing and challenging my body on an almost inhuman level. My bad).
I might spend the rest of my life searching for my purple Unicorn (a.k.a balance) but I hope I'm inspiring others to do the same instead of seeing this strange ideal of perfection. We need to seek optimal health, not a # on a scale or a certain pant size. That will come!!!
I also hope you continue to follow me as we figure this out together. Next post I'm sure I'll be bringing you good news about how I healed my thyroid holistically!
Thoughts become things and anything worth having is worth fighting for.
We are in this together,
All my love
Your Trainer T
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